where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
