I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
