I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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