I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
