so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
