whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
