He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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