i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
