conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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