his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
