She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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