My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
