I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
