we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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