Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
