dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
