Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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