dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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