you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
