I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
