I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
