What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
