I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
