I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
