It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
