i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
