Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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