Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
