I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
