This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i will never coherently bang her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
