Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
