I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
