god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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