I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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