there's paper in my vomit.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
