I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
