i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
