I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
