His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
