there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
