And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
