i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
