I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
nutella sex= disaster
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
