that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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