It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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