i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
