You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
