Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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