every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
