"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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